So Saint Valentines Day came and went with its usual mercantile jab-in-the-ribs, leaving us wondering how we tell the difference between an admiring friend and a stalker. I received a card and some of my favourite sweets from the woman lying next to me in bed - particularly nice sweets and thank you very much – but it did rather take away from the tradition of anonymity.

In the 1970s Young & Rubicam - insightful advertising pioneers - discovered that human beings could confidently be separated into seven categories determined by their outlook and aspirations, or lack of. I've done some calculations. I walked through Torquay on Tuesday and enjoyed the hustle of half-term. Looking around I realized the seven categories could in fact be whittled to just three: Lovers, Leavers and Loafers.

Lovers love come rain, shine, richness or poverty; their love conquers all sometimes to a nauseating degree.

Leavers have little tolerance. They may have good intentions but this splinter of a redeeming feature is unmatched by their staying power even less their willpower. And sometimes they love for gain.

Loafers show a complete lack of effort to endow their other half with much beside a TV dinner and tabloid quickie; these few also have an insatiable desire to declare bellicose critiques of just about anything (commentators take note).

I am not in the habit of generalizing but Young & Rubicam did. Nor am I in a position to judge but sit in the judge's chair did Pilate; we all do it in secret but I've printed the labels! You know what they say: It is far better to Love, Left and Loafed than never to have done so before, or something like that.